Let’s talk about the work-at-home dad

Call us traditionalists for kicking things off with a simple list of the good and the bad, but we think it’s the best way to start unraveling the topic. Joining us on this journey are Kyle and Johannes, both young work-at-home dads themselves, who have kindly offered to add some color to this article with stories and perspectives from their personal lives. If you see a quote or two, that’s them! Say hi to the camera, Kyle and Johannes!‍

The GOOD

The first “pro” is so important, that it makes it hard to qualify anything else on our list. Throughout our conversations with work-at-home dads, they would return to a single, crucial point, over and over: You get to spend more time with your children. You get to see them grow up.‍

Shocker, we know, but there it is! Working remotely allows you to be closer to your family, and actively spend more time with them — even if you were to work secluded and locked up in your home office, you’d still have previous commuting and lunchtime to spare. As Kyle and Johannes reminded us throughout our conversations with them, every additional minute spent with your child(ren) is precious, especially when they are young and developing and changing by the week.‍

I try to be as much with my daughter as I possibly can. There’s just no way I could go back to an office and not spend that time with her, not after all the amazing things I got to see and be involved in. Simple as that. - Kyle ‍

Another big upside to working from home is that you are there. Though remote positions probably won’t cut your actual workload and free it up for household tasks (nor make life for your spouse much easier in that respect), they do allow you to be around for emergencies, or when your partner simply needs somebody to fall back on. Even when you aren’t actually needed, your partner is never left with the immense responsibility of looking after your children all alone. That’s a positive impact on overall stress levels at home if ever we saw one.‍

Working from home means that my wife never has to take on the sole responsibility for our children. If a diaper needs to be changed stat, I’m there. It’s a safety net. - Johannes‍

Lastly, being a work-from-home dad creates perspective. Johannes and Kyle both made the point that spending more time at home deepened their appreciation for their wives, and for stay-at-home parents overall. They had so much to say on the subject, that we’ll be dedicating the second blog in this series to just philosophizing about a dad’s perceived role in (working) society, and how working remotely has impacted Kyle and Johannes’ perspectives on this idea. For now, let it be said that seeing our spouses be literal superheroes at home has deepened our love for them, made us feel more connected to our families overall, and given us meaningful insights into parenting as a responsibility and as an art at once.‍

There are so many expectations put on mothers, and so little credit given to them, especially as stay-at-home parents. At the same time, dads will do the smallest thing at home and are immediately celebrated for it, because we don’t hold them to the same standards. It’s all you’ll be thinking about once you start working from home as a father. - Kyle
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The BAD

Let us be clear: calling this part the “bad” is very relative. Our team’s work-from-home dads are unanimous in their opinion that returning to the office would be just about impossible for them. Nevertheless, we won’t pretend that there aren’t challenges to being a work-at-home dad, and we think it’s important to talk about them.

Right up front, we’d like to mention something that isn’t necessarily about working from home per se, but more about how others perceive you when you do it. Both Kyle and Johannes, for instance, brought up numerous false preconceptions about life as a work-at-home dad (partly why we’re writing these blogs) and how exhausting it can be to handle these stigmas. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking about how much simpler it must be to be a work-at-home parent than otherwise, we’ve got to let you know you were probably wrong.‍

Frankly, working from home as a dad is harder than going to the office. It doesn’t make your work easier by any stretch, and it doesn’t help your spouse out that much either. Anyone who says that becoming a work-from-home dad is something you choose because it’s easier has the wrong idea entirely. - Johannes‍

Being a parent and working remotely also makes it particularly difficult to clearly separate your home and work and family. It makes it challenging to respect your office hours, both in the sense that you want to avoid work when they’re over, and that you can let yourself focus on work when they aren’t. Boundaries become difficult to maintain, creating a lot of extra stress for yourself, your spouse, and your child(ren). Grrr.‍

When your little one is shouting for dad, it’s really hard to not go and see them. To be honest, more often than not, you’d also prefer to play together, rather than finish your current task. - Kyle‍

Last but not least, stress at work now becomes stress at home. Not only does working from home not necessarily help out your partner in terms of parenting, but it might put a whole lot of additional pressure on them — as if they didn’t have enough on their plate already. Let it be said once more that your stay-at-home spouse is a superhero, and having you at home while you work doesn’t make them any less so. To be honest, it makes them even more of a hero, and we appreciate them tons for it.‍

The most common misconception is that it's a huge advantage for my wife when I work from home. While I can be there in case of an emergency and help out in part, I’m definitely not significantly reducing the overall workload or stress level of my partner. Stress and pressure from my job get transported directly to my her now, and overall tend to create a less relaxing home environment. - Johannes‍

Some final thoughts, for now‍

Being a work-at-home dad is a balancing act, it can be tough to pull off. But I’d always chose struggling to find that balance over not getting to spend that extra time with my child. No question about it. - Kyle‍

Anything that allows you to spend more time with your family and raising your children is a gift — at Out Of Office, we’re all deeply in agreement on this. For our team, it was never a difficult choice to become work-at-home parents — it hardly even was a question in the first place.

That being said, if we did our job well, the above should hopefully offer some useful perspectives to young parents considering a similar path, and help others better understand their work-at-home colleagues and friends. Both as passionate parents and remote workers ourselves, we care a lot about this topic and are very excited to dive into it further in our following blogs. Catch you there!